Hands (Remus Lupin)
by AbsolutelyMarvelous
Summary: 1993. Hogwarts. Lennie, an A student from some low-end wizarding college is sent to Hogwarts as an exchange. She doesn't want to go. Maybe because she's the kind of person that would much rather sit at home and daydream or read books or study till her head hurts. Her previous encounters with the outside world have not ended well, why should this one be any different?
1. Chapter 1

The rain was battering against the windows of the train. I didn't even remember the last time I'd taken a train.

"After all, it's only for a year," I tried to calm myself down.

It _was_ only for a year. Twelve months of an exchange period of Hogwarts. One day the headmaster of my school just called me in and told me I was to go there. Apparently, this was a big deal for the school, no one had ever been sent to Hogwarts before. I was in my last year and was considered a good student - an excellent one, in fact.

It's funny how excellent students are frequently the saddest. I almost never went out anymore - just sitting inside, cramming my head full of charms and spells. I used to be very sociable and had in fact been quite popular around the campus - but no longer. Sixth year, I had quite a sad incident. I had developed some feelings for a teacher who seemed as quiet and book-loving as me, but decided not to act on them. However, one day when I was walking through the corridor, the teacher himself pinned me to the wall and started kissing me, the quietness all gone, as I realised I wasn't as calm and composed as I thought when it came to him.

Unfortunately for both of us, someone saw. The teacher was gone and I was sent home for a year - they wanted to expel me, but apparently someone said a kind word about me in the Ministry or something, because my punishment was softened. Still, it was a blow to me. Nothing helped - not my parents' plea to keep me in the school, not my friends testifying that I never made any advances towards the teacher. I wept openly as I dragged my suitcase out of the gates, my parents running towards me as everything seemed like a blur.

The year was tough. I got depressed and at some point was suicidal. My dear parents did the best they could to help me - they did not believe for a moment that I was to blame. My mother cried with me, cooked my meals and tidied my room every day, while my father would always come home from work and hug me from behind, kiss me on the cheek and always say the exact same words:

"You'll show them, Lennie. You'll show them."

Several months afterwards, I could finally face the outside world again. The buzz about my "affair" with an illustrious professor had died down, and no one bothered me about it anymore. The few friends I had from school, I struggled to keep in touch with them - but they were soon overwhelmed with schoolwork and I was left alone in the darkness of my own thoughts and crushed feelings.

Because I did still care a lot for the man who was the cause of my suffering. In spite of all that had happened, that moment when he turned me around in the darkness and pressed me to the wall was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Months later, my best dreams were still about that night. I had no idea when they would stop.

A year after my exile, I came back to school, wary and mentally patched-up. I trusted no one. I didn't get any new friends, although people treated me with respect because I studied hard and did not become cocky because of it.

None of the new students knew about the affair. It was all hushed up. The teachers, however, treated me with disdain. Not all of them, of course. But there was a kind of distrust towards me. The headmaster genuinely felt I owed it to him for staying in the school, even though I was a year older than the other students.

Seventh year, August the 30th, I entered his study, mentally bracing myself.

"Sit _down_ , Miss L/N, "- he ejaculated as I sat carefully down on the chair in front of his desk.

"So. The purpose of my bringing you here is to inform you, that, of all the seventh years, you have been chosen to represent our school as an exchange student at one of the finest schools in the world. Their first semester starts in two weeks. "

"Beauxbâtons, sir?"

"Better. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"But isn't that... terribly far off?"

"It's only for a year and I am sure you will make the school proud. Your grades have been good all these years."

"Thank you sir, I will, but..."

"But _what_?"

I didn't know how to tell him that I didn't want to go. I looked up at his cold, unkind eyes and shook my head.

"Nothing, sir".

"There were _other_ students we could have sent, you know", - the headmaster continued. - But it was _strangely_ only you that the Hogwarts board wanted to see."

I could feel his hatred towards me resurfacing. I prayed the interview would come to an end.

"Normally, Miss Limber, you would have the right not to go...But I doubt it's in your own interests to turn down such an opportunity to make the school proud".

My head sank even lower, hoping he wouldn't go any further.

"Considering your _reputation_."

The tears were coming. It was almost as bad as I thought it would be. As bad as some of my nightmares back home - a particularly ghastly one was where the teachers would each come over to me and force-kiss me, each time wiping their mouths and saying "well, she's NOT thAT bad!"

The headmaster smiled, having achieved his desired effect on me.

"You may go now. I have already signed my consent. Your parents have been informed. Good day."

I rose, my face contorted and walked out of the room. I was just about to turn the door handle, when -

\- Oh, miss Limber? One last thing. I hope your behaviour at Hogwarts will be impeccable if you know what I mean by that. There are a lot of - shall we say - _gentleman_ teachers there. Good day!

I left for Hogwarts on September the 1st. My parents sent me letters, instructing me on how to make friends and socialise. Hogwarts was a big leap for me. I never even dreamt I'd go there.

As I looked out into the gloom and tried to make something of the world outside the train, I felt strangely comfortable. I was going into the unknown, but anything would be better than the awful world I left behind. A world, where every single auditorium and corner reminded me of something related to the man who nearly got me expelled. Of course, I was still scared and I had no idea what tomorrow would bring. But then, who does?

I snuggled up in my blanket and looked out into the darkness again. We were going over a bridge. I could see the water somewhere down below. How big was the world? And how do some of us manage to feel so alone in it?

Suddenly I lurched forward, hitting my forehead on the window sill. I cried out in pain and confusion as I realised the train had stopped.

 _Was this_ _my stop?_ I thought. I sprang up, my hands rubbing the glass so the warmth would make them transparent. But there was no stop. We seemed to be right in the middle of nowhere.

I kept looking out into the darkness when all of a sudden, everything seemed to become colder. I looked at my hands on the glass and realised that the glass was slowly turning to ice.

Horrified, I drew back, engulfed by a panic as icy as the glass in front of me. I darted out of the compartment, expecting to find crowds of people there.

Instead, I found no one.

I pressed myself against windows in the corridor, dying to make something out of what was happening. The panic seemed to be growing inside me - but at the same time, it was almost as if something was making me scared - as if a spell had been cast upon me. Then, just as I was already starting to tremble with fear, I heard a metallic clink.

Looking up, I saw the lights go out, one by one. A voice started screaming in my head: "why did you even go to Hogwarts? You should have stayed where you were!", while another voice cried "she couldn't, you stupid thing! That teacher thing ruined everything!"

As I was having this fight within me, I saw all the lights go out. A couple of voices cried out in terror from the other compartments. I decided to try and drag myself to sit with someone else, as I was terrified of being left alone in this. But I felt myself unable to move.

Clinging to the window, I saw something dark go by it and gasped. But the dark thing was gone. I closed my eyes and began talking to myself:

\- Lennie... This is just... a spell.. Or... the train has broken... down... Don't... worry... do not... cry...

Tears of fright had started to pour down my cheeks, and I usually did not cry when I was scared. I felt childish and almost happy no one could see me. Suddenly, I heard another noise.

It was almost as if someone had got on the train.

I tried to remember which carriage I was in. I was not far away from the driver. Did we change drivers, maybe?

I turned around, to face the direction where I'd heard the noise coming from.

The door to the carriage opened. I almost thought there was no one behind it, but my panic intensified and I knew someone had to be there... and someone was.

A completely black, menacing shape, almost three times higher than me bended into the door frame and I saw they had a black hood over their head and that there seemed to be no face behind that hood. They did not have hands - instead they had some sort of claws the size of wands. The black figure went - or rather flew, or swam - the air seemed to be as thick as water for them- towards me as I finally screamed out in horror. I thought maybe someone would come and help me - but no one did. I screamed as the black figure towered above me and suddenly bore down on me as a piercing pain shot through my heart and I fell to the floor, as if with that scream my life had gone out of me.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a throbbing pain in my head as some sort of feeling returned to my legs and I groaned, that sound bringing me back from the utter darkness.

\- There... there. Steady - a man's voice came, whispering. I tried to open my eyes, but they seemed heavier than usual. Slowly, my eyelids parted and the light beating into my eyes was too much for me and I closed them again with a moan.

\- Right, sorry about the lamp. You can open your eyes now.

I did as the voice told me, sitting up carefully as I felt two hands propping me up against the back of the seat. My eyes now getting accustomed to the light, I looked in front of me and saw the wall of the compartment. Then, glancing to my side, I saw the man who had lifted me up.

He looked around forty, maybe less, maybe more. He was wearing dark clothes that resembled a robe, and his light brown hair was uncombed and tangled, some of it was in his face. He had a thin, hardly defined moustache and bright eyes - even though his face looked somewhat pale and sickly.

\- Hello, - I muttered. My voice came out much higher than I wanted it to.

\- Hello-uh, - he mimicked me, making me smile.

His features relaxed and he smiled back at me. Regardless of the shock I'd gone through, and the horror of the black thing still lurking in my mind, something in me warmed up, even though I didn't have the slightest idea who he was. My first thought was that he was a doctor - his hands had felt like the hands of a doctor when he helped me up.

\- What happened to me? - I asked, sitting up with difficulty.

\- You ran into a Dementor. Vicious creatures. You're lucky you passed out. - he reached into his pocket and got out a chocolate bar which he started to unwrap.

\- A... what?

\- Eat this. It'll help, - he broke the chocolate in his hands and offered me a piece of the bar. I didn't feel like eating but I didn't want to disappoint someone who I barely knew but who was being so kind to me.

\- Thank you, - I said.

\- A Dementor, - he pulled his cloak closer around him, even though it was warm in the compartment once again - is one of the guards of Azkaban, a local prison. A very dangerous criminal is out on the loose - Sirius Black. Maybe you've heard of him?

I shook my head, my mouth full of chocolate. We didn't get much news from the outside world in my school.

\- No? Well, long story short, he's very dangerous and he's out. The authorities think he might come to Hogwarts and so there's heightened security. The Dementors were searching the train for Black.

\- So they're... good?

\- I said they were vicious, but they were performing... a good deed, you might say, - he smiled- That is, before one of them nearly scared you to death, and a boy in another compartment was taken ill.

I looked up.

\- Is he okay now?

\- Oh yes, he's perfectly fine.

\- Are you a doctor? - I asked.

The stranger laughed.

\- Heavens, no.

\- I thought you might be... Helping the people who got sick, you know.

\- I didn't do anything. All I had to do with you was carry you back into the compartment and stay till you came to. You didn't pass out for long.

\- Thank you, that's most kind, - I said. The thought that someone could be so kind to me warmed up my heart, together with the knowledge that a strange man had carried me back into my compartment, even if it was only two feet away. He didn't look like a romantic hero, though. Only now did I notice he had thin, bloody scars over his face and that he slaunched a bit. All the same, I liked him. I thought he seemed kind. So different from the people I'd known.

\- So. Why're you sitting here all by yourself then? - he leaned back.

\- Oh, well, I'm travelling alone, so. Don't know anyone.

\- Don't you? Don't you have any friends at Hogwarts?

\- It's my first time there.

\- Forgive my audacity, but you do not look like a first year-old. Are you coming to work there?

I laughed, and he smiled, the laughter-lines next to his eyes becoming more pronounced. Something inside me didn't want to tell him I was a student. He made me feel older and I was afraid his attitude would change if I told him who I was.

\- I'm nearing twenty, so you're right there. I'm on an exchange program from another school.

\- Exchange? - he looked amazed. I rather liked the way he opened his mouth and didn't close it from astonishment. - We don't normally get exchange folk at Hogwarts.

\- Yeah, so they told me. Apparently it's some big deal.

\- Which school are you from?

\- You wouldn't know it. It's a sort of sect up in the Alps.

\- Must be beautiful there.

\- It is. Only very cold and we sometimes get altitude spells.

\- Do you? I once went to the Alps myself... Was a terribly long while ago, though.

He seemed to be lost in thought, and I didn't want to disturb him, so we just sat there in silence. Then he suddenly snapped out of it.

\- Forgive me. Didn't get much sleep last night. I'm Remus Lupin. - he held out his hand and I shook it, marvelling at how warm it was and how readily his thin fingers slipped into mine.

\- Lennie Limber - I smiled, feeling his hand linger.

\- Oh God, your hands are cold, - he muttered, taking my hand in his. - Give me your other hand.

\- Is this the way you react to Dementors? You seem to have more trouble getting over this than that boy.

"Who is he? He said he wasn't a doctor. How come he knows all of those things though?" - I wondered, as his hands tightened their grip on mine. I felt some sort of feeling rising up through me, but I chased it away.

\- You know what you need? You need some good old brandy. Or hot chocolate. Whichever you prefer. That said, I don't even think they even sell brandy here, - he smiled.

I laughed, despite the awkwardness of the situation. He seemed pleased with the effect he had on me. Letting go of my hands, he peered out into the corridor.

\- There goes the Trolley Lady. What shall I get you?

I looked up at him, towering above me in his cloak.

\- I'll have a herbal tea if they have those.

\- I'm sure they do. Be right back.

He went out and I sat up, my strength coming returning. My heart seemed to be beating a bit faster than usual, but overall, I was okay. My hands were warmer anyway.

A minute later, Remus Lupin came back in with two mugs - one he gave to me, the second he put down next to himself.

\- There you go. It's not usual herbal tea, I'm afraid, has some sort of ingredient which warms you up instantly. I took the liberty of choosing that one.

\- Thank you, you're most kind, - I took the mug from him as my fingers touched his for an instant an I instinctively looked away.

\- I do hope you don't resent my barging in on you like that, - he said, smiling. - When I'd attended to the boy, I went out to have a word with the driver and I found you lying there, I decided I wouldn't leave you until you were completely all right.

\- Please stay. It's so lovely to have company.

He smiled at me, before taking a sip out of his mug.

\- Is the train ride to Hogwarts always this eventful? - I smiled, before going back to drinking my tea again.

\- No. Indeed it isn't. When I was a student here - which was some, oh, - mere twenty years ago - he chuckled - we used to think getting the Hogwarts express was the most boring thing about going to Hogwarts. All the real adventures began once you were inside the castle.

\- Is it huge? I've heard people telling me it's huge.

\- It's enormous! - he waved one hand about slightly. - There's flights of stairs that change whenever they want to, dungeons, towers.. One can easily get lost in there.

\- Oh my. Hope I don't.

\- Nah, you'll get used to it. It's lovely once you get familiar with the place. Come to think of it, it's where I spent the best days of my life.

He smiled and I smiled back. We looked at each other for several seconds before he turned away, and somehow I felt disappointed that he did.

\- But your adventure in Hogwarts is only just beginning, exchange worker from far away place, - he smiled. - What kind of work do you do if I may ask?

\- Helping out with papers, mostly - I blurted out. Why did I say that? He would find out I was a student sooner or later. Why did I think lying about it would help?

\- Oh? - he smiled. - Well. That's something _someone_ has to do, right.

Suddenly someone knocked on our apartment door and Remus Lupin rose, opening it.

\- Yes, what is it? Arriving in Hogwarts already? Oh dear.

He turned around to face me.

\- It appears we're almost there, Miss Limber.. It... is Miss, right?

\- It is, - I smiled happily, heaven knows why.

\- I now need to take my baggage from the other compartment, so if you will excuse me, I shall take my leave. The porter will attend to your luggage. Unfortunately I won't be able to help you myself, as I must go for a detour before arriving in Hogwarts. I shall see you in the castle though.

I nodded, not knowing what to say.

\- It was a pleasure meeting you, Miss Limber.

\- All the pleasure was mine, Mr Lupin.

He smiled at me, a knowing smile.

\- No one has called me that for decades...

With that he left. I heard screams as children rushed about, eager to see Hogwarts, surrounded by the fog.

Yet I stayed, sitting where he'd left me, my face cupped in my hands, with a small smile on my face as the train pulled to a stop and the porter cried: "HOGWARTS STATION, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!", and I had to get up and leave the train.


End file.
